Dear People of Chile,
The following are rules one should follow when living in what I like to think of as a modern, civilized world. Please read carefully.
1. You know all those signs at the subway station that tell you to let people get OFF OF THE TRAIN before you get on? It's common sense, friends. You can't have 30 people getting on and off at the same time. Will it kill you to wait two seconds? I think not.
2. If you get on a bus where all the seats are taken and you have to stand, please stand at the back of the bus. Otherwise bees will eat your face and all of the people trying to get on after you will have to squeeze into the tiny space in the front. I don't like to be squeezed, especially when I am full of chocolate.
3. If you are over the age of 18, you should not — I repeat, SHOULD NOT — be making out in public. Maybe a little kiss, hold hands, whatever, but if I see tongues you've crossed the line. This kind of activity is not cute when you are a teenager, although it is universally accepted that teenagers are just balls of raging hormones, but when it comes to grown people, get a room. No one needs to see that. Seriously, would you kiss that way in front of your mother?
4. Stop stealing shit. It's not nice.
5. When taking English class at 8 in the morning, it is not proper to use the excuse "we're tired" when you don't answer a question or repeat when your teacher tells you to repeat. This is especially not proper when you have a fancy job in a fancy office and your teacher has to run around the city all day teaching a bunch of snots like you and she won't get home until 10pm and her stupid boss yells at her for wearing a jean jacket. Because, damn it, I'm more tired than you and that's all there is to it. Dumbass. Now Repeat.
6. The number of ants there are is in no way correlated to how much it will rain this winter. I don't care what "they" say, it's just not true. Also, wearing flip flops when it's just a little cold out will not give me pneumonia and the change of seasons does not make EVERYONE sick. In fact, I don't think it makes anyone sick. Except me when I have to hear how it makes you sick.
- E
p.s. My boss upon seeing me at work today: "What are you doing here?"
My response: "Um, I'm teaching a class. What are YOU doing here?"
I'm sort of glad she doesn't really get me.
1. You know all those signs at the subway station that tell you to let people get OFF OF THE TRAIN before you get on? It's common sense, friends. You can't have 30 people getting on and off at the same time. Will it kill you to wait two seconds? I think not.
2. If you get on a bus where all the seats are taken and you have to stand, please stand at the back of the bus. Otherwise bees will eat your face and all of the people trying to get on after you will have to squeeze into the tiny space in the front. I don't like to be squeezed, especially when I am full of chocolate.
3. If you are over the age of 18, you should not — I repeat, SHOULD NOT — be making out in public. Maybe a little kiss, hold hands, whatever, but if I see tongues you've crossed the line. This kind of activity is not cute when you are a teenager, although it is universally accepted that teenagers are just balls of raging hormones, but when it comes to grown people, get a room. No one needs to see that. Seriously, would you kiss that way in front of your mother?
4. Stop stealing shit. It's not nice.
5. When taking English class at 8 in the morning, it is not proper to use the excuse "we're tired" when you don't answer a question or repeat when your teacher tells you to repeat. This is especially not proper when you have a fancy job in a fancy office and your teacher has to run around the city all day teaching a bunch of snots like you and she won't get home until 10pm and her stupid boss yells at her for wearing a jean jacket. Because, damn it, I'm more tired than you and that's all there is to it. Dumbass. Now Repeat.
6. The number of ants there are is in no way correlated to how much it will rain this winter. I don't care what "they" say, it's just not true. Also, wearing flip flops when it's just a little cold out will not give me pneumonia and the change of seasons does not make EVERYONE sick. In fact, I don't think it makes anyone sick. Except me when I have to hear how it makes you sick.
- E
p.s. My boss upon seeing me at work today: "What are you doing here?"
My response: "Um, I'm teaching a class. What are YOU doing here?"
I'm sort of glad she doesn't really get me.
posted by Eugenia at 9:08 PM
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