Yesterday I finally became a true part of Chilean society: someone stole my wallet. On the bus. With, I´d guess, about 20 people watching.

Here is how it happened:

I had to go teach this class really far away in a part of town I´ve never been to in my life, which meant it took me about two hours to get there and I had to take two buses during rush hour. So, during the second bus ride the bus was so full that people were literally hanging out the doors. Although, apparently there was quite enough room for someone to open my purse, reach in, take out my wallet and exit the bus without much commotion. At least twenty people saw and didn´t bother to say anything and so I didn´t notice until I was on my way back home and I went to put some change in my wallet. Thankfully, I had enough money in my pocket to get home. Otherwise I would have had to beat some bitches up.

Contents of my wallet:

Chilean ID
one business card
pictures of family and friends
about 2 dollars

Was it worth it, suckers? I´m guessing not

Lessons learned:

Don´t trust humans.
Keep my purse in front of me at all times.
Be glad that no one appreciates ipods in this country.
Don´t trust humans.

And so now I am fully inaugurated as a Chilean citizen.

Sadness,
E

6am Wake Up Calls

Harsh realization of the day: there is no Starbucks in Chile.

I know what you are thinking, Starbucks is not only the devil, but it´s over-priced. You´re right. But, when you get up at 6am to catch the bus at 7am (just barely) to be at your pseudo-job at 8am that grande iced vanilla latte is damn near essential. 6am! I mean, really, who do these people think I am? I don´t think I have gotten up this early since I was in high school. It was, honestly, darker out when I got up then when I went to sleep. How do the rest of you handle this? I´m not saying they should put a Starbucks in every corner, but at least one. Why hasn´t the devil capitalized on the international market yet? Get to it, Satan. The morning isn´t the same without you.

------------------------

So, I have a pseudo-job teaching English with an institute for now. I won´t say much about it because I hope that the situation will change very soon, but suffice it to say I´m fucking tired right now and my day is just beginning.

-----------------------

I´m at this internet cafe where they have individual 'private' booths. Does that seem fishy? There are big signs that you are not allowed to look at sites that publish ´pedofília´or 'material pornográfico.' How many people do you think actually follow that rule?

Can we say 'thank god for hand sanitizer?'


Dreaming of caramel frappuccinos,
- E

p.s. R.E.M.'s 'Stand' just came on. Anyone up for an awkward Michael Stipe dance? Doooooo it.

I made a funny!

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I said something funny in spanish. Well, better said, yesterday for the first time ever someone understood my humor. This is a small step for mankind, but a giant step for Eugenia who has had to suffer through endless silence and looks of confusion in the last month.

Also, in case anyone was wondering, I have yet to win the lottery here in Chile even though everyone thinks I´ll somehow bring them luck. (?). I don´t think I got even one number in the last one, and everyone finds my lack of enthusiasm frustrating. Or so I imagine.

On a related note, some poor sucker did actually win the lotto. He was a securtiy guard or something and when they asked his wife if they were gonna buy a new house she said they didn´t have enough for that and that they would just fix their house. Do these people deserve that kind of money? They don´t think big enough for millions. I mean, I´m a big-thinker. That´s all I´m gonna say.

Also, I´m reading Hemingway´s A Moveable Feast and, at first, I was a little bored, but now that I´m about halfway through I´m really starting to grasp its brilliance. Oh Ernie, how you surprise me.

I might move to Paris.

Loves,

E

p.s. why doesn´t anyone love or hate me enought to leave a comment? Thanks a lot guys. Where´s the hatred and loathing? I´ll have to start being more controversial.

KEVIN LO DAY!

In all of my fascination with myself, I missed out on a good friend´s birthday while I was away in the south.

My apologies to you, Kevin Lo - a very good friend indeed who somehow ended up with terrible friends like myself.

So, in honor of you, today is Kevin Lo Day on the internets, where we will celebrate the fabulousness that is the birth of Kevin Lo.

Yay!

In my mind, this is how we are celebrating your birthday right now



Yay!

Happy birthday!

Loves,

E

p.s. this birthday thing will stop soon, I promise. Also, last sunday I got my first drunk phone call from a cousin (at 6am!!). Fantastic conversation. Looking forward to more of that.

Chees-a-licious

Today is my brother´s birthday and because I can´t be there to punch him in the face, I´m celebrating virtually. Everyone send kind thoughts in the way of Older Brother Salvo on his day of birth.

Don´t cry buttface, but you´re old.


Yay!

Loves,
E

I´m back from the south. Fantastic there. It rains a lot but everything is green and amazing and I got to visit my cousin´s two-year old twins who are incredible.

Spent time in Puerto Montt (a 12 hour bus ride from Santiago) and in Quellon on the island of Chiloe (another 6 hours from Puerto Montt.) Needless to say I never want to see another bus.

This week is officially "Get the internet at home" week, which I am very excited about. But, to hold you over while I still can´t post pictures, here are some random thoughts from last week.

- Why can´t I flush toilet paper down the toilet anywhere in this country? I find this not only repulsive but also against my nature. Seriously.

- Mmmmmmm, bread.

- Salmon isn´t so bad when you put some cheese on it, which leads me to believe cheese makes everything better.

- Fireplaces are awesome.

- Babies! Dear god, do they ever stop moving around?

- Happy birthday Lorena!

- There probably isn´t anything better than seeing a drunk (and by drunk I mean OBLITERATED) middle-aged man trying to cross the street at 11am. Seems there isn´t much else to do in the south of chile. Some of you might it there. Bunch of drunks.

- I think the guy who owns the internet place is adorable. Not in like an ´I wanna marry him´ way, but more like an ´Awwww, you´re adorable´ way. What bothers me about that is that he´s kind of short, and I´m starting to think that in my absence I´m starting to become too much like one Ms. Abigail Salas. (Hahaha.)

- My mother clearly did not understand what I meant when I said "press the enter button twice." For her ignorance I apologize and I promise not to let her post for me ever again. (You should have seen how long it took just to get her to type in the proper username and password. Sheesh.) (Just joking, Mom. I appreciate you!)
,
- Mmmmmm, bread.

I am currently in the south of Chile. Pardon my absence, but I promise to have picture up when I get back to Santiago next week. -E (via E's Mom.)

Miss America

Right now, the guy sitting next to me at the internet place (more like a house, really) is smoking. I tell you this because he has no problem blowing his cigarrette smoke directly in my face. No problem at all. I find it slightly offensive, but at this point in my venture I´ve come to realize there isn´t much I can do about it. Everyone here under 35 smokes. Everyone. They also don´t care what direction they are expunging their filth in.

I miss America. North. North America. Where we judge and we make people stand outside and, fuck them if it´s cold, damn it, go blow your cancer somewhere else. You know what I mean? The number two question I get from everyone - right after "did you leave any broken hearts in the US?" HA! - is "Do you smoke?"

No, Chile, I don´t. And I don´t have a boyfriend, neither am I looking to get married anytime soon, thank you.

That settles that.

Loves,
E

p.s. I just figured out how to use the proper quotation marks on this stupid thing. It´s like learning to use a computer all over again.

International Women´s Day

I have two things to report today.

One, today is the day of the woman everywhere but in the U.S. where, um, no one cares about women? Not sure about that one. Would have to double check. Anyway, I´m sure the U.S. pretends to celebrate it, but no one really cares. Here in Chile you´re supposed to get flowers or something, except no one has given me flowers and this little celebration of the woman is starting to feel a lot like Valentine´s Day. Suspiciously so.

Yadda yadda. So, here in Chile we (see what I did there?) celebrate women, kids, parents and grandparents, all of whom get a day except the kids who get a whole week. Does that seem fair? I mean, don´t they already have Christmas and Easter and Halloween? We Americans (see what I did there?) sure know how to ignore everyone equally. Except for mothers and fathers and all those holidays I already said the kids have, and probably the women and, damn, secretaries. Nevermind.

Happy International Women´s Day!

In a second bit of news, you´ll all be happy to know that I have decided I will never get married in a church (not catholic or any other kind). I used to say that if I felt so inclined I would get baptized and do the whole first cummunion thing just so that I could marry in a church and then never go church again, which seems totally sacriligous or something, but as it turns out, I don´t think the damnation is worth it. It tell you what changed my mind. This past Sunday I went to mass for the first time in, oh, let´s say, 8 years. Possibly more....


Hmmm, come to think of it, that´s about all the explanation I need. And, of course, this is all counting on the fact that someday I will actually be, um, getting married. Well, look at that. Aaaaaaaand....scene.

Loves,
E

all you need is love

I´ve changed the settings and now everyone is free to leave a comment. No need to be a member or logged in or any of that nonesense.

so, go forth and comment.

Loves,
E

Celebrity me

Visit my good friend John Carroll, of Promohthree fame to see what he has to say about, well, me and also to see how the Dictionary With Aloe came into existence.

Also, check out my lovely IMterview done quite some time ago, but I´m really struggling to hold on to those 15 minutes. (Sorry to my parents if I said anything inappropriate. John Carroll made me do it.)

Too much ham.

I´ve spent a good part of this week trying to figure out how much something costs by mentally figuring out the price in dollars. I´m pretty proud of myself, actually, because I fuck up math problems in my head about as often as I trip (which those of you who know me will vouch is pretty often). Anyway, the result of that is that everything seems really cheap. ¨Less than a dollar for an hour of internet! Great!¨¨75 cents for a bus ride! Woooo!¨ We could get into a whole discussion on how if I keep changing everything into dollars I´m gonna end up spending more than I should because I should get an idea of how much things cost here and not think about how much the cost is in the states, BUT, my problem is this: the metric system is a bunch of crap.

I´ll explain.

Where money is concerned I have no problems. I mean I divide or I multiply by 500 and that gets me within range of what something costs in dollars. But, ask me what the speed limit is in miles. Or, let´s say, what the temperature is. Or, how much sliced ham I should ask for at the deli. If I think about it logically, one kilo of ham is within the vicinity of 2 pounds. I think. Fine, I have no idea, but let´s go with it. So, if I want like half a pound of ham I´d ask for 1/4 of a kilo, right? I mean, that would probably still be way more than half a pound, but close enough I figure. The problem is, when I get to the deli and I ask for ham, they ask me how much and then I freak out and I think a kilo is less than a pound and I say ¨Un kilo, por favor.¨ And they look at me funny and ask if I´m sure, at which point I have no other option but to get cocky and assure them that, yes, I want a kilo, damn it. And then I have to take home a hell of a lot of ham. You see the dilemna? Now, see if it were easier to change from one system to the other, say, by dividing by two or something there would be no problem. But now I´m faced with comments like ¨it´s 30 degrees out!¨ and I have no clue how I should react to that.

Ugh. Remember a few years ago when the US Government wanted us to switch to the metric system and we laughed? Well, we sure showed them. Stupid metric system.

- E

Communist Parties

The other day on the television I was watching the news, which I never do because I hate it, but everyone here watches the news and, basically, I have no option but to pretend I care to watch it...but anyway, I didn´t mind watching this particular day because I was fairly intrigued by one story. They showed clips of the communist party out celebrating some anniversary of some lady who was somehow important to the party. (I said I watched, I didn´say I paid attention.) But, really it was just like any other news clip of any other party. As if they were saying "Oh, the AARP is celebrating an anniversary. Here are some clips." So, anyway, I got to thinking about politics, which I try never to do because, well, it makes my brain hurt. And, it occured to me... a recently elected DIVORCED, FEMALE, SOCIALIST president AND the COMMUNIST PARTY out in the street celebrating some important COMMUNIST figure. It started to feel like I was very far from the U.S. of A. and, as it turns out, I was. (´Cause I´m in Chile, duh.) But, just as some form of mental exercise, try to imagine a communist party party in the U.S. OR, better yet, try to imagine a communist party party in Miami. On Calle Ocho. Delicious, to say the least.


On a not really related note, the other day I was at the sea port (Valparaiso, to be exact) with an aunt and we were looking at some of the stuff they had for sale at this little street fair and I saw a Che Guevara shirt, and frankly, even this far away from Urban Outfitters, it still really annoyed me that those exist.

That´s all for now.

Loves,

- E

The Dictionary with Aloe - REINVENTED

Hello all.

Here is some news you may not know: I can´t live without medicated chapstick. The thought makes my lips chapped and my heart sad. :( <---- that´s what my heart looks like. So, when I decided to take my own version of a year-long sabbatical (in Chile) medicated chapstick was all I could think about. Well, that and, you know, the whole language thing. But anyway, here I am. In Chile. Hundreds (thousands? Hundreds of thousands?) of miles away from home with 5 tubes of medicated chapstick. So, what´s left to do but reinvent the dictionary with aloe?

So, everyone, follow me on the internets as I remain remarkably calm while trying to figure out the goddamn keyboards here. I´ll post awesome pictures as soon as I get the internet at home (what year is it again?) and I´ll write about all the weird things they do here and all of the very American things that I am now realizing I will not have in the coming year. All I can say is, thank god Arrested Development ended before I left. Phew.

Loves,
E

p.s. Stay tuned in the next couple of days as I will be posting various things/observations I have written in the week that I have been here thus far. Good times.com.